Dating a Japanese Man – My Japanese Boyfriend

A lot of ladies out there are probably wondering what it is like to date a Japanese man, and how to get one! The quick answer to those questions is, “it’s awesome” and “it’s not difficult”.

The long answer is a little more complicated, as a lot of it depends on your situation. In this post, I will talk about my experience and give some advice for finding a partner in Japan.

Who is your boyfriend?

Name: Seiya Maeda
Born: April 10, 1989
From: Goshogawara, Aomori, Japan
Job: Computer Programmer
Hobbies: Japanese Tea Ceremony, Reading, Working Out

How did you meet your boyfriend?

I met Seiya in a guesthouse (sharehouse) in Tokyo in August, 2016. The day I moved in was also the day that he moved out. If I had gotten there just an hour later, we may have never met.

The landlord wanted to show me one of the upstairs rooms, and she decided that his room would be best since he was just clearing it out.

We knocked on the door and the moment he opened it, my heart skipped a beat. Our eyes met and I felt an instant spark. He offered to give me some of his furniture and we got to talking. I told him that I was new to the area and asked if he knew any good places to eat. He offered to take me out for dinner and I accepted! The rest is history♡

What do you like about your boyfriend?

In short, everything!

① He is the nicest guy I know.

Seiya giving me his hand as I walk down the steps♡

He is considerate, thoughtful, patient, and has good manners.

Seiya holding the umbrella for me, then laughing when I try to take a picture of it♡

He is a real gentleman. He opens doors for me. He holds my bags. He helps me whenever I’m in need.

② He is soooo good looking!

  • He is handsome♡
  • He is fit♡
  • He has the cutest smile♡
  • I love his eyes, his mouth, his hair – everything♡

③ He has a good heart.

Seiya holding his grandma’s hand as we walk around Hirosaki Castle♡

His name describes him perfectly. “Seiya” is written with the character 誠 which means “honest” and “sincere”.

Seiya getting along with some kids we met at a cafe in Kamakura♡

He loves kids and animals, and they love him! I think they can sense that he is a good person.

Seiya playing with his two nieces in Aomori♡
Seiya getting kiss-attacked by a Dalmatian we met in the park♡

This is just one of the many things that made me fall in love with him♡

④ He is hilarious!

He loves making funny faces♡

He always knows how to make me laugh♡

⑤ He loves me♡

And I love him♡

What is it like dating a Japanese man?

The answer to this question depends on many factors, including:

  • Which Japanese man you are dating
  • Who you are
  • What your expectations are in a relationship
  • What you are comparing it to

As for me, I haven’t dated a non-Japanese man since I was in high school (almost 10 years ago), so I haven’t really had any great experiences dating Americans. I have dated other Japanese men, all of which (obviously) didn’t work out.

Dating Seiya is the easiest, most natural and fun thing I have ever experienced. Although we do have disagreements sometimes (as all people do), we never fight and we are always able to say what we are really thinking and work together to find a solution. We respect and appreciate each other and we make sure to tell each other that.

Being with him is like breathing. It makes me realize why it was so hard to be with anyone else. He is the one for me.

My Advice for Finding a Japanese Boyfriend

My best advice is to find someone who makes your life easier and more enjoyable. If he makes you feel bad about yourself, if he hurts you and makes you cry, forget him. There is someone out there for you who will put you first and respect you as a person.

First Things First: Look at Yourself

First of all, the most important thing you need to know is that you are probably much more attractive than you think you are (in general and also in the eyes of Japanese people), and that the moment you realize that, you will instantly become more attractive.

Before I came to Japan, I never considered myself to be good looking. When I first moved to Japan, I lived in a rural area in Oita Prefecture, Kyushu. Everyone I met, especially the kids I was teaching, treated me like some kind of supermodel-actress-celebrity-princess. The first word everyone would say when they saw me was かわいい (kawaii – cute). At first, I was a little embarrassed and I also didn’t believe them when they said that. But after being told so many times, I started to feel like it was true. Then, like magic, I could see myself becoming better-looking.

Of course, I made several conscious changes: wearing makeup, buying cute clothes, arranging my hair, etc. But some things also changed without me trying. I started to smile more. I had more confidence. I felt better about myself. These things all added up to making me a more attractive person.

Because when it comes down to it, it isn’t just about physical appearance. It’s about the aura that you are putting out there. Positive, good people are attracted to other positive, good people. Do you ever feel like you always attract the wrong guys? A change of attitude may be in order!

Second Step: Look Around You

Once you have got yourself in check, take a good look around you. If you live in Tokyo or another major urban area, there is an abundance of men to choose from. If you live out in the styx, don’t worry. There are men everywhere. You will just have to look harder.

This is going to be a lot easier if you speak Japanese, but if you don’t, don’t lose hope. The majority of Japanese men don’t speak English well if at all, but many of them would be interested in dating you if they could just get a sign from you that you are interested.

That’s right. You can’t always expect the right one to find you and chase you without giving any kind of signs that you are available and open to the idea of dating a Japanese guy.

There are many ways of showing someone you are interested. One good way to get things started is to create a situation which makes it easy for him to invite you out. In my case, I asked Seiya if he knew any good places to eat nearby because I was new to the area.

Another way might be to ask him to help you with something. For example, carrying something to your room. Or fixing something for you. Guys like to be relied on, and it makes it easier for them to make a move if you create a comfortable situation for them.

Other simple things include making a lot of eye contact (although it might scare him a little at first if he is really shy), body touching (hands, arms, legs, etc.), and of course, smiling!

My #1 Recommendation: Sharehouses

If you live in the city, I recommend trying a sharehouse! Many of the places you can enter on a monthly basis and they’re really cheap! The place I stayed was “Ikegami Guesthouse” in Ota-ku, Tokyo. It has since been remodeled and the name changed to ミノラスシェア池上 (Minorasu Share Ikegami). This sharehouse is unique because it has a private toilet and shower in each room!

My #2 Recommendation: Start Something New

Start a new hobby that involves meeting people. For example, bouldering, yoga, hiking, etc. Join a group or gym and try to find people who have similar interests as you. My personal recommendation (if you enjoy it) is bouldering! It’s super fun and there are a lot of good looking young men who do it (especially in Tokyo)!

My #3 Recommendation: Meeting at Work

Depending on what you do for work, this may or may not be applicable. Since I taught English to adults in Tokyo both at an Eikaiwa school and also as a freelancer in cafes, I met quite a few good looking guys (students) on a regular basis. I was definitely not without options! Unfortunately, they were wasted on me because my heart belongs to Seiya♡

Meeting through a mutual friend

I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I have heard of it working for others. If you have any Japanese girl friends, ask them to hook you up with a good guy! They might know somebody!

Meeting at a bar/club

Once again, I don’t have any personal experience with this, but you can definitely meet guys at bars in Tokyo. I don’t know if you will meet a good one… But you might just luck out! Be careful, though. Just because he’s Japanese, doesn’t necessarily mean he is a nice guy.

Online Dating Sites/Apps

This goes along the same lines as meeting someone at a bar, but you have to take extra precautions when meeting someone you met online. This is not to say that it is a bad thing! I have had some good experiences using online dating apps in the past and I know some people who started serious relationships with a partner they met online. It’s one way to meet people.

I found one! Now what?

You got a Japanese boyfriend! Congratulations! If you are lucky, you two will be a perfect match and being with him will be so comfortable and enjoyable that you will never want to be with anyone else.

Don’t be afraid to make a connection with somebody. Even if you have failed in the past, there is always still hope. Take it from me!

Don’t be too discouraged if you start to realize that you two are not a good fit. If it feels wrong, it probably is. If he treats you badly, it definitely is.

Don’t be afraid to leave him if he is not the right one for you. The right one is out there for you somewhere! You just have to find him. You might have to sort through a few wrong choices before you get there, but that’s okay.


Everybody makes wrong choices before they find the right one. But that’s okay, because it’s those wrong choices that will lead you to your right one.

In Conclusion

Dating in Japan is quite similar to dating in your home country, as a lot of it depends on the two individuals who are involved in the relationship. I found the love of my life here in Japan. To all you girls who would like to try dating a Japanese guy, I highly recommend it! You might just be as lucky as I am. ^_−☆

An American girl writing about living and working in Japan. 日本在住のアメリカ人の女の子のブログ。


  1. アバター Mina より:

    Hi dear! Was able to finish your article 🙌🏻 Thing We’re on the same track….Found mine too and has quite the same character as your Seiya 🤗 thank you for sharing your story. Godbless you both 💛

  2. アバター Fifi より:

    Nice words, thanks for making this, Im currently dating a Japanese guy and im excited to meet him in person. I hope everything goes well. You twoo are adorable ❤

  3. アバター lyn29 より:

    Wow! I felt the magical spark on your first meeting too! You look great for each other. I’m a fan!

    These lines hit me hard though as I am also dating a Japanese guy for 6 years now. I love him but it isn’t easy.

    1. My best advice is to find someone who makes your life easier and more enjoyable. — He’s a perfectionist and accuses me of lying when I fail to do the tasks he wants me to do 100%. He appreciates when I do things well but scolds me badly when that 100% is not achieved.
    2. If he makes you feel bad about yourself, if he hurts you and makes you cry, forget him. — He hates seeing me or any other women wearing make up. He says it looks so unnatural and scary. I like looking fashionable but he doesn’t appreciate it.
    3. There is someone out there for you who will put you first and respect you as a person.– For him respect is not something to be given but t is earned.

    Yes! I’m so done with it!

    • Rose Rose より:

      Thank you for your comment! I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going so well for you. Although I do not know you or him, it sounds to me like he is not treating you well and that you may be happier parting ways. I know it must be hard breaking up after being together for so long, but if you don’t feel that it is right it probably isn’t. And if that’s the case, I would advise you to get out sooner rather than later. Best of luck♡

  4. アバター Anna より:

    I came across your blog. I am glad it worked out for you.

    There are lots of Japanese who visit, work or study here in The Philippines. I met some of them. There is a guy whose family (his parents and sister) is originally from Oita but living in Manila for some time and is even fluent in Filipino.

    I have been to Osaka and Kyoto once during the Cherry Blossom Season. It was lovely. My mom used to have frequent business trips to Tokyo when she used to worked with a British engineering firm. They had tie-ups with a Japanese company.

  5. アバター Pattrick より:

    Hi! I’m also currently dating a japanese man. I happened to read another article about dating japanese man and it says that japanese men tend to be shy on the first dates. Did it also happened to you? Or was he affectionate with you even in public?

    • Rose Rose より:

      Sorry for the late reply! I somehow missed your comment. A lot of Japanese guys are shy. Seiya was also a little shy I think, because he seemed uncomfortable kissing in public at first (he got used to it, though!) But honestly, it really just depends on the guy. Some Japanese guys are not shy at all! Although I would be a little bit cautious about the ones who are overly affectionate in public from the start. It might be a red flag!

  6. アバター Laetitia より:

    You two make such an adorable couple! 🙂 Reading your article made me happy. I am Swiss and my fiancé is Japanese, I just came back from Japan and missing him so much right now… but we hope to get married this year! I recognized several of his traits in your article (being thoughtful, kind, a gentleman etc… an of course, to me, he is the most handsome guy in the world!) I am happy we both seem to have found some amazing partners! Wish the best to you and Seiya 🙂 !

    • Rose Rose より:

      Thank you for your comment! I wish the best to you and your fiancé as well! This year is turning out to be a hard year for everyone, with the coronavirus canceling everyone’s plans, but I hope that you and your fiancé stay safe and that you can be together again soon. Seiya and I have been working from home and avoiding going out as much as possible. So far, we seem to be staying healthy! Our first wedding anniversary is coming up, but we will likely be celebrating from home. Take care!


メールアドレスが公開されることはありません。 * が付いている欄は必須項目です