A lot of ladies out there are probably wondering what it is like to date a Japanese man, and how to get one! The quick answer to those questions is, “it’s awesome” and “it’s not difficult”.
The long answer is a little more complicated, as a lot of it depends on your situation. In this post, I will talk about my experience and give some advice for finding a partner in Japan.
- 1 Who is your boyfriend?
- 2 How did you meet your boyfriend?
- 3 What do you like about your boyfriend?
- 4 What is it like dating a Japanese man?
- 5 My Advice for Finding a Japanese Boyfriend
- 5.1 First Things First: Look at Yourself
- 5.2 Second Step: Look Around You
- 5.3 My #1 Recommendation: Sharehouses
- 5.4 My #2 Recommendation: Start Something New
- 5.5 My #3 Recommendation: Meeting at Work
- 5.6 Meeting through a mutual friend
- 5.7 Meeting at a bar/club
- 5.8 Online Dating Sites/Apps
- 5.9 I found one! Now what?
- 6 In Conclusion
Who is your boyfriend?
Name: Seiya Maeda
Born: April 10, 1989
From: Goshogawara, Aomori, Japan
Job: Computer Programmer
Hobbies: Japanese Tea Ceremony, Reading, Working Out
How did you meet your boyfriend?
I met Seiya in a guesthouse (sharehouse) in Tokyo in August, 2016. The day I moved in was also the day that he moved out. If I had gotten there just an hour later, we may have never met.
The landlord wanted to show me one of the upstairs rooms, and she decided that his room would be best since he was just clearing it out.
We knocked on the door and the moment he opened it, my heart skipped a beat. Our eyes met and I felt an instant spark. He offered to give me some of his furniture and we got to talking. I told him that I was new to the area and asked if he knew any good places to eat. He offered to take me out for dinner and I accepted! The rest is history♡
What do you like about your boyfriend?
In short, everything!
① He is the nicest guy I know.
He is considerate, thoughtful, patient, and has good manners.
He is a real gentleman. He opens doors for me. He holds my bags. He helps me whenever I’m in need.
② He is soooo good looking!
- He is handsome♡
- He is fit♡
- He has the cutest smile♡
- I love his eyes, his mouth, his hair – everything♡
③ He has a good heart.
His name describes him perfectly. “Seiya” is written with the character 誠 which means “honest” and “sincere”.
He loves kids and animals, and they love him! I think they can sense that he is a good person.
This is just one of the many things that made me fall in love with him♡
④ He is hilarious!
⑤ He loves me♡
What is it like dating a Japanese man?
The answer to this question depends on many factors, including:
- Which Japanese man you are dating
- Who you are
- What your expectations are in a relationship
- What you are comparing it to
As for me, I haven’t dated a non-Japanese man since I was in high school (almost 10 years ago), so I haven’t really had any great experiences dating Americans. I have dated other Japanese men, all of which (obviously) didn’t work out.
Dating Seiya is the easiest, most natural and fun thing I have ever experienced. Although we do have disagreements sometimes (as all people do), we never fight and we are always able to say what we are really thinking and work together to find a solution. We respect and appreciate each other and we make sure to tell each other that.
Being with him is like breathing. It makes me realize why it was so hard to be with anyone else. He is the one for me.
My Advice for Finding a Japanese Boyfriend
My best advice is to find someone who makes your life easier and more enjoyable. If he makes you feel bad about yourself, if he hurts you and makes you cry, forget him. There is someone out there for you who will put you first and respect you as a person.
First Things First: Look at Yourself
First of all, the most important thing you need to know is that you are probably much more attractive than you think you are (in general and also in the eyes of Japanese people), and that the moment you realize that, you will instantly become more attractive.
Before I came to Japan, I never considered myself to be good looking. When I first moved to Japan, I lived in a rural area in Oita Prefecture, Kyushu. Everyone I met, especially the kids I was teaching, treated me like some kind of supermodel-actress-celebrity-princess. The first word everyone would say when they saw me was かわいい (kawaii – cute). At first, I was a little embarrassed and I also didn’t believe them when they said that. But after being told so many times, I started to feel like it was true. Then, like magic, I could see myself becoming better-looking.
Of course, I made several conscious changes: wearing makeup, buying cute clothes, arranging my hair, etc. But some things also changed without me trying. I started to smile more. I had more confidence. I felt better about myself. These things all added up to making me a more attractive person.
Because when it comes down to it, it isn’t just about physical appearance. It’s about the aura that you are putting out there. Positive, good people are attracted to other positive, good people. Do you ever feel like you always attract the wrong guys? A change of attitude may be in order!
Second Step: Look Around You
Once you have got yourself in check, take a good look around you. If you live in Tokyo or another major urban area, there is an abundance of men to choose from. If you live out in the styx, don’t worry. There are men everywhere. You will just have to look harder.
This is going to be a lot easier if you speak Japanese, but if you don’t, don’t lose hope. The majority of Japanese men don’t speak English well if at all, but many of them would be interested in dating you if they could just get a sign from you that you are interested.
That’s right. You can’t always expect the right one to find you and chase you without giving any kind of signs that you are available and open to the idea of dating a Japanese guy.
There are many ways of showing someone you are interested. One good way to get things started is to create a situation which makes it easy for him to invite you out. In my case, I asked Seiya if he knew any good places to eat nearby because I was new to the area.
Another way might be to ask him to help you with something. For example, carrying something to your room. Or fixing something for you. Guys like to be relied on, and it makes it easier for them to make a move if you create a comfortable situation for them.
Other simple things include making a lot of eye contact (although it might scare him a little at first if he is really shy), body touching (hands, arms, legs, etc.), and of course, smiling!
If you live in the city, I recommend trying a sharehouse! Many of the places you can enter on a monthly basis and they’re really cheap! The place I stayed was “Ikegami Guesthouse” in Ota-ku, Tokyo. It has since been remodeled and the name changed to ミノラスシェア池上 (Minorasu Share Ikegami). This sharehouse is unique because it has a private toilet and shower in each room!
My #2 Recommendation: Start Something New
Start a new hobby that involves meeting people. For example, bouldering, yoga, hiking, etc. Join a group or gym and try to find people who have similar interests as you. My personal recommendation (if you enjoy it) is bouldering! It’s super fun and there are a lot of good looking young men who do it (especially in Tokyo)!
My #3 Recommendation: Meeting at Work
Depending on what you do for work, this may or may not be applicable. Since I taught English to adults in Tokyo both at an Eikaiwa school and also as a freelancer in cafes, I met quite a few good looking guys (students) on a regular basis. I was definitely not without options! Unfortunately, they were wasted on me because my heart belongs to Seiya♡
Meeting through a mutual friend
I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I have heard of it working for others. If you have any Japanese girl friends, ask them to hook you up with a good guy! They might know somebody!
Meeting at a bar/club
Once again, I don’t have any personal experience with this, but you can definitely meet guys at bars in Tokyo. I don’t know if you will meet a good one… But you might just luck out! Be careful, though. Just because he’s Japanese, doesn’t necessarily mean he is a nice guy.
Online Dating Sites/Apps
This goes along the same lines as meeting someone at a bar, but you have to take extra precautions when meeting someone you met online. This is not to say that it is a bad thing! I have had some good experiences using online dating apps in the past and I know some people who started serious relationships with a partner they met online. It’s one way to meet people.
I found one! Now what?
You got a Japanese boyfriend! Congratulations! If you are lucky, you two will be a perfect match and being with him will be so comfortable and enjoyable that you will never want to be with anyone else.
Don’t be afraid to make a connection with somebody. Even if you have failed in the past, there is always still hope. Take it from me!
Don’t be too discouraged if you start to realize that you two are not a good fit. If it feels wrong, it probably is. If he treats you badly, it definitely is.
Don’t be afraid to leave him if he is not the right one for you. The right one is out there for you somewhere! You just have to find him. You might have to sort through a few wrong choices before you get there, but that’s okay.
Everybody makes wrong choices before they find the right one. But that’s okay, because it’s those wrong choices that will lead you to your right one.
Dating in Japan is quite similar to dating in your home country, as a lot of it depends on the two individuals who are involved in the relationship. I found the love of my life here in Japan. To all you girls who would like to try dating a Japanese guy, I highly recommend it! You might just be as lucky as I am. ^_−☆